The darkness inside

I’m a child of the light,

Born to spread happiness to others,

A spark of joy for each and every soul,

I live to make others laugh,

But even though I am of the light,

There is a darkness deep dark inside me,

Hidden away like a old familiar scar upon my soul,

Dark and brooding and ready to strike at a moment’s notice,

Ready to spread across my eyes,

Clouding my judgement,

Preparing to torment me with its whirlwind of doubts,

Outsider,

Loner,

Misfit,

Like poison running through my veins,

Spreading across,

Loser,

Idiot,

Monster,

The younger me would have succumbed to the darkness,

It’s eternal prisoner,

Unable to scream,

Struggling against its ice cold chains,

Chains that are bonded to my wrists and ankles,

I have to remember these are just thoughts,

My thoughts,

My inner demon,

That loves to be in overdrive,

I must remember,

I fought for so much,

Survived,

Not only survived but conquered my challenges,

I have come a long way,

Through the darkness,

Searching for the light,

But the light has always been there,

Waiting for me to return

I now know I am a child of the light,

I want to help spread it’s joy,

But I have to accept its part of who I am,

A burden I must bare,

To energise others in my care,

As long as use to overcome myself,

I am no longer enslaved by the darkness,

I am of the light,

But the darkness is an old friend

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A journey through shadows

Circled by darkness,
The birds of shadow are hunting,
Waiting for my fall,
Scavengers of life,
Waiting to take me piece by piece,
The darkness spreads,
I no longer know what light is,
Despair pain and madness are all the same,
A vicious cycle that never seems to end,
I’m looking for someone to save me,
Why will no one save me,
Lost alone,
Bewildered,
I reach the abyss waiting for the shadows,
No one is there to save me,
I am alone,
I realise as I fall,
Wind rushing against my face,
Only one person can save me,
That is me the shadows,
I am the one circling,
Hunting myself down,
It is not weakness,
But fear of nothingness,
Of never being more than I am,
Embracing the darkness,
I no longer run away from its pull,
But neither do I let it drag me down,
Of the deep waters of the lagoon,
I embrace who I truly am,
And fight,
Fight against the current,
My arms spread,
Growing longer and wider,
Wings are forming,
Sheer will is my power,
Pulling against despair,
Shoulders burn with intensity,
As I fight to fly high above the sky,
The shadows pounce on my flesh,
I growl,
A beast is released from within my chest,
I fight to be amongst the skies,
To the one I truly I am,
To earn the white feathers,
With the black stripe around my waist,
Then you show up,
Showing me who I could be,
The shadows have gone,
I no longer fight,
I am happy for a time,
I learn to be more than fight over fear,
Laughter is in my heart,
But then you change,
Still beautiful but with a colder edge,
You want me to be something else,
Someone else,
You make me choose between those I love,
And you,
I am nearly torn in two,
Who am I,
I no longer know,
I never felt pain as much,
Since the fall of Man,
My soul has grown,
I love me for me now,
First time since forever,
How dare anyone try to turn me into a shell of the being I am,
I am proud of who I am,
Despite my flaws,
I remember the shadows,
Darkness,
Pain the beast from within,
I shall not fall,
But embrace who I am,
And battle the eternal battle,
Of life versus fear,
I will confront my  fear,
Amongst the line of shadows facing me,
Their faces cold with no emotions,
Ready to destroy me,
I am my strength,
My will, will be strong,
But I won’t forget the light that you showed me,
I now live instead of hiding from the shadows.

Sanchin-The path to fighting

The more I understand Sanchin kata, the more I realise that it is the basic blueprint on how to fight an opponent and that all these hidden techniques are very much in the Sanzhan form (from White Crane Kung Fu) that a lot of Kung Fu styles scoff at, simply because they don’t understand it’s true meaning.

Last night was a great opener in what I need to do to improve my Sanchin, towards the end sequence I am starting to rush it and with a little chat to Sensei, I can now have a further understanding of what I need to do to get to the next level in my way of Sanchin. Which ironically will be me drawing more from the Sanzhan form that I learnt from in China.

Someone requested that I do my own thoughts on Sanchin and it’s role in the way we fight and spar, and at the moment I am unable to do that as my new level of understanding of Sanchin kata and it’s role in fighting started when work was getting in the way, followed by a rib injury and a shoulder injury.  But through two great resources and trying to implement them in in my shadow boxing has made a huge difference, in fact with the pad drills I am now able to throw faster punches without straining the shoulders through this method (it is a little like wing chun principles.

The book the way of Sanchin and a few videos by the actor Michael Jai White (he holds several blackbelt’s one of which is in Goju Ryu), and for me they go hand in hand to developing the way I think of Sanchin, which is the role of a fighter or gives you all the basic tools in how to deal with the situation. I won’t say too much, and if anyone wants me to review them I will, but these have been great tools, in developing my way of Sanchin, and the way I think about the battle of Kumite which is a testing ground for if you want to go into the ring, or have to deal with a situation on the street.