The darkness inside

I’m a child of the light,

Born to spread happiness to others,

A spark of joy for each and every soul,

I live to make others laugh,

But even though I am of the light,

There is a darkness deep dark inside me,

Hidden away like a old familiar scar upon my soul,

Dark and brooding and ready to strike at a moment’s notice,

Ready to spread across my eyes,

Clouding my judgement,

Preparing to torment me with its whirlwind of doubts,




Like poison running through my veins,

Spreading across,




The younger me would have succumbed to the darkness,

It’s eternal prisoner,

Unable to scream,

Struggling against its ice cold chains,

Chains that are bonded to my wrists and ankles,

I have to remember these are just thoughts,

My thoughts,

My inner demon,

That loves to be in overdrive,

I must remember,

I fought for so much,


Not only survived but conquered my challenges,

I have come a long way,

Through the darkness,

Searching for the light,

But the light has always been there,

Waiting for me to return

I now know I am a child of the light,

I want to help spread it’s joy,

But I have to accept its part of who I am,

A burden I must bare,

To energise others in my care,

As long as use to overcome myself,

I am no longer enslaved by the darkness,

I am of the light,

But the darkness is an old friend


A journey through shadows

Circled by darkness,
The birds of shadow are hunting,
Waiting for my fall,
Scavengers of life,
Waiting to take me piece by piece,
The darkness spreads,
I no longer know what light is,
Despair pain and madness are all the same,
A vicious cycle that never seems to end,
I’m looking for someone to save me,
Why will no one save me,
Lost alone,
I reach the abyss waiting for the shadows,
No one is there to save me,
I am alone,
I realise as I fall,
Wind rushing against my face,
Only one person can save me,
That is me the shadows,
I am the one circling,
Hunting myself down,
It is not weakness,
But fear of nothingness,
Of never being more than I am,
Embracing the darkness,
I no longer run away from its pull,
But neither do I let it drag me down,
Of the deep waters of the lagoon,
I embrace who I truly am,
And fight,
Fight against the current,
My arms spread,
Growing longer and wider,
Wings are forming,
Sheer will is my power,
Pulling against despair,
Shoulders burn with intensity,
As I fight to fly high above the sky,
The shadows pounce on my flesh,
I growl,
A beast is released from within my chest,
I fight to be amongst the skies,
To the one I truly I am,
To earn the white feathers,
With the black stripe around my waist,
Then you show up,
Showing me who I could be,
The shadows have gone,
I no longer fight,
I am happy for a time,
I learn to be more than fight over fear,
Laughter is in my heart,
But then you change,
Still beautiful but with a colder edge,
You want me to be something else,
Someone else,
You make me choose between those I love,
And you,
I am nearly torn in two,
Who am I,
I no longer know,
I never felt pain as much,
Since the fall of Man,
My soul has grown,
I love me for me now,
First time since forever,
How dare anyone try to turn me into a shell of the being I am,
I am proud of who I am,
Despite my flaws,
I remember the shadows,
Pain the beast from within,
I shall not fall,
But embrace who I am,
And battle the eternal battle,
Of life versus fear,
I will confront my  fear,
Amongst the line of shadows facing me,
Their faces cold with no emotions,
Ready to destroy me,
I am my strength,
My will, will be strong,
But I won’t forget the light that you showed me,
I now live instead of hiding from the shadows.

A light

It has been nearly ten years ago,

Since you were cruelly taken away,

And the vultures striped us of our memories of you,

The memories stored in photos, artwork and other knick knacks,

Everyone has something,

A photo or two,

A piece of artwork,

The only thing I have is the lamp that you always had by your side,

It is my small way of honouring your memory,

So that you can keep shining a Light in my world,

Een in the darkest night.

A Journey of Feelings

I can tell that she liked me,

She could tell I liked her,

I can see potential,

And I can see why it wouldn’t work,

After three days of pure nervous

I feel tired but in a good way,

As the tension leaves the body,

I feel relaxed,

I felt very comfortable around her,

She liked my sense of humour,

Whether anything happens I don’t know,

But at least I know that she won’t mess me around,

As I already know if she wanted more,

Why she wants more,

And if she didn’t,

Why she doesn’t,

So I feel relaxed,

I am no longer fretting,

As I have in the past,

When girls play the game over a man’s feelings

His heart,

I know she will treat me right