The darkness inside

I’m a child of the light,

Born to spread happiness to others,

A spark of joy for each and every soul,

I live to make others laugh,

But even though I am of the light,

There is a darkness deep dark inside me,

Hidden away like a old familiar scar upon my soul,

Dark and brooding and ready to strike at a moment’s notice,

Ready to spread across my eyes,

Clouding my judgement,

Preparing to torment me with its whirlwind of doubts,

Outsider,

Loner,

Misfit,

Like poison running through my veins,

Spreading across,

Loser,

Idiot,

Monster,

The younger me would have succumbed to the darkness,

It’s eternal prisoner,

Unable to scream,

Struggling against its ice cold chains,

Chains that are bonded to my wrists and ankles,

I have to remember these are just thoughts,

My thoughts,

My inner demon,

That loves to be in overdrive,

I must remember,

I fought for so much,

Survived,

Not only survived but conquered my challenges,

I have come a long way,

Through the darkness,

Searching for the light,

But the light has always been there,

Waiting for me to return

I now know I am a child of the light,

I want to help spread it’s joy,

But I have to accept its part of who I am,

A burden I must bare,

To energise others in my care,

As long as use to overcome myself,

I am no longer enslaved by the darkness,

I am of the light,

But the darkness is an old friend

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A brief Synopsis of my time in China-its is only the beginning

I will probably write a few posts about my time in China, it has had a profound influence on me, from what started of as a 6 week adventure, quickly grew into a 4 month life changing experience. Luckily I saved alot of my weekly emails that I wrote for various people, so I can always use them as a guide to describe in further detail of China.

From training 5.30 in the morning till 5.30 in the evening, to partying at the weekends in Taining, to falling into a waterfall, jumping of a pier because I had to represent Britain against the mad Germans (great Blokes), to flying down a mountain side on top of a crazy log lorry driver, praying to every god that could exist that I will live, to having the craziest nightclub experience in San Ming. So many more things had happened, and I haven’t even mentioned the crazy things that happened in Beijing or Shanghai!

I loved the people I lived with in the Kung Fu school, I was heartbroken when I had to leave them, I loved meeting new people on my travels with Ronny, to meeting a Chinese Girl in Beijing, and spending time with her in Shanghai and Hangzhou.

I can’t forget seeing the terracotta army, seeing the shanghai skyline on a boat, and perhaps the most stilling moment for me, when Ronny and me went to the Great Wall, walked along the old section and just absorbed the view with an Israeli girl we looked after. It was the most peaceful experience of my life, Ronny said he had never known me to shut up for so long, ha ha. Only for it to be ruined by a bug Yank who acted like he owned mount Everest. But that’s another story